Exes don’t just come in guy form


Throughout my life I’ve quietly watched love ones be scratched and scathed by their past relationships. Ex boyfriends and girlfriends, The Friends With Benefits situations with no real benefits and their ‘persons’ that, along the way, have taken a chunk out of their heart. People get cheated on, betrayed, exploited and when that happens something in them shifts a little bit. Some where, deep down, something sparks, bends, breaks and they change. More often than not, they lose their confidence and begin questioning things they wouldn’t even think twice before hand. Question things about themselves like are they good enough? Will they ever be happy? Confident, comfortable, their selves again? That really do result in some real damage.

I’m one of the lucky ones, I’ve never really had to deal with the fuckboys of the world. I’m one of those buggers that found a half decent guy even when he was only in his teens. My faith in relationships is somewhat unmarked because of my personal plain-sailing. However, with that being said (smugly), this last year I’ve learnt that there are other types of ex’s in the world that knock your confidence, trust and shake your belief too. That “I just find out the guy I’m sleeping with is sleeping with another woman via an Instagram story” kind of faith shattering happens in other circumstances too.. Unfortunately for our little hearts – it’s not just guys (or love interests for a more gender-neutral term) that have the ability to stomp on our self-perception.  

I’ve been for the new girl for the last year in terms of employment. Even at the tail end of University, the minute you started getting good at something, the unit, term, year, degree would finished, and you’re back to square one. I was knowledgeable in the field of Sociology for about 2.7 seconds after my graduation, and then puff, gone again.  Things get worse once you’re out in the big bad world. Wrong turns, choices and decisions happen, which lead a lot of changes and readjustments (inevitably and naturally I’m sure) and each time, the carpet is ripped out underneath you and you were metaphorically professionally ‘single’ all over again. I never expected finding a job would be easy after University, at the beginning of your working career, but I definitely didn’t realise how hard it’d be. And what it’d do to your feeling of self-worth. I do remember leaving Uni, finally feeling like I was good at something, bright eyed and bushy tailed, then only to suddenly find out that I’m back into a brand new dating pool, when no one can really be bothered to swipe right for you (or in other words, give you 10 bloody minutes of their time for an interview.)

In terms of employment I’ve kissed a few frogs and it’s only now that I’m starting to find my feet again that I’ve come to realise that those frogs took something away from me. I find myself questioning things I used to feel good at and thought of as skills, much like my best friend does when she’s had wondering whether sending that extra kiss on the text catastrophically killed her one and only chance at love. We let people walk away from us with our confidence and faith in hand.

However, just like how I tell my girlfriends not to lose faith in the relationship world, I’m still a believer in those frogs being worth it and I just have to remember I have some datable ~ employable ~ qualities after all, regardless of how the exes haunt me. You may be single, unemployed, the new girl in the office or even 3 months fresh in a relationship that you keep messing up, but have faith in the universe, if you can’t in yourself. You won’t always be the newbie, and in the same breath you can’t know everything or get everything right as a newbie either. Be gentle with yourself. As to the unemployed and single girlfriends among us, keep kissing those frogs. If things were always easy, it would never be interesting. But if there’s one thing you take from this, I’d say it is to be mindful of what you’re letting people walk away with. Remember your worth, your brilliance and never question your capability.

Keep an eye on your relationships, friendships, employers, dreams and careers, because they all have the potential to make you quiver with fear, and when it’s not right, it will make you question everything. But you’re undefeatable and trust the universe to know that it is all absolutely worth it when you finally get it spot on. (And you will. Trust that too.)


Written by Lifestyle Editor, Eleana

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